u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
