On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
