don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
