you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
