i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
