Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
