After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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