i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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