I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
