Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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