Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
