I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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