Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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