Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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