What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
