Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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