Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The air was thick with penises
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
