I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
