I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
