Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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