totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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