every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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