season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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