It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
