i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
