I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
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