and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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