so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
