WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
