I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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