If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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