If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
