I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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