Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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