I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need to wash the frat house off of me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
