ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
