they need to just BURY HIM!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
