I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Are these your boobs on my camera?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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