Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
