okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
