oh god the rape fog is back!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
