can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
