party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
