I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have post one night stand depression
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