He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Come on in and take your pants off
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