dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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