we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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