we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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