Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
