I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
