I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
