Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
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He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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