i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
