Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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