Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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