I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i think my cat just said my name.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
