i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
