How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
