I think my fart just growled at me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
