GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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