Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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