Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
