just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
