dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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