apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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