a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
