There is no way he is gay with that hair.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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