Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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