dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
