Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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