ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was confusing and full of hummus
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
