My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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