how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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